Episode 232: Everyone Has Their Own Form of Salvation

Hanako-san is continuing to speak in fragments while repeating the motion of slowly stroking my head.

「That photo, that’s… my younger brother.」

It was the answer I expected.

To be precise, I couldn’t tell the gender, so it was a one-in-four guess between sisters and brothers, but I had predicted that much, so there was no surprise.

「Kazunari died when he was still a baby. I was small too, so I don’t have any memories of him.」

!?

Kazunari… of course, she isn’t talking about me.

Her younger brother had the same name as me. The kanji are probably different, though.

And somehow, at this point, I feel like I’ve started to understand the meaning behind Hanako-san calling herself an「Onee-chan.」

「Since I didn’t have any memories, I just thought about him on my own. What he’d look like, what his personality would be… what kind of brother he would’ve been.」

「………」

「I think there were many triggers. Now, I don’t remember which was first. But before I knew it, I started thinking about my brother all the time. Partly because I got into light novels, I started thinking… if only I had a brother. Since I was bored, I read through tons of older sister and younger brother stories.」

Hearing this much, I can imagine a little.

Bored.

That means, either Hanako-san didn’t have any friends, or she had very few.

I don’t know if it’s right for someone like me, who once experienced total isolation, to say this, but I don’t think Hanako-san is good at making friends either. I think she’d have plenty of friends if people knew the real Hanako-san, but isn’t she easily misunderstood as being hard to get along with?

The reason why a person like Hanako-san started seeking a younger brother…

「It was fun when I was thinking about my brother. While reading various books, I started thinking about my own ideal. Before I knew it, Kazunari had become the ideal younger brother.」

Escaping reality…

I understand that feeling all too well myself.

Back then, when I’d given up on everything, I existed in the classroom thinking only of a certain kind of harassment. The fact that my presence made my classmates uncomfortable, that it would never be peaceful, that it would always be a strained class; that was my small bit of revenge.

No matter what anyone said to me, I endured it until graduation for that purpose alone. To put it another way, that was all I had.

Devoting myself to the one thing that could support me… to me, that was my tiny revenge, and for Hanako-san, it must have been her imaginary brother.

「That’s why, when I saw Yamazaki buying the entire set of a novel I liked, I couldn’t help but call out to him. Looking back now… he was just playing along, but I couldn’t see that and misunderstood that I’d found a comrade. I have a feeling he probably just bought them as a gift for some girl.」

I don’t know what Hanako-san looked like back then, but if she showed even a glimpse of how she looks now, there’s a good chance Yamazaki jumped on the conversation as a lucky break.

And then she got caught up in the aftermath of the Yuzuha incident…

But I think it’s good that it happened before she got too deep. I guess that’s a silver lining.

「More than being made a fool of myself, I felt like even my precious brother had been insulted, and I could never forgive that. I swore I would get revenge for my brother’s sake too.」

And from here, it must be the Hanako-san I know. The story has finally connected.

「……My brother is a spoiled brat. Even when his body gets big, he’s a cute brother who pampers himself with his Onee-chan. But he has guts, and he shows his manliness in the important moments. He does what needs to be done, he pulls it off when it counts, and he’s very kind…」

This must be the ideal brother Hanako-san has in mind. Balancing being a spoiled brat and being manly is a pretty difficult image for a brother to live up to. I guess that’s why he’s an「ideal.」

After saying that much, Hanako-san stopped her hand from stroking my head, cupped both of my cheeks, and turned my face toward her. Looking at Hanako-san from right in front… it seemed she was indeed looking at me with a smile. When our eyes met, she started stroking my head again.

「At first, I thought he was just a spoiled brat. Since his name was the same, I thought I was just curious for a start. But that wasn’t all. He has manliness, he has popularity, everyone is willing to cooperate with him, he has the power to gather that and overcome difficulties; a respectable boy. A kind and reliable boy who liberated me from being trapped in revenge. But still a spoiled brat.」

That gaze, locking onto mine and not letting go, clearly expressed who she was talking about. Hanako-san’s eyes were pleading that she wasn’t talking about an ideal brother image right now, she was talking about me.

But, I’m surely not such a grand guy. That’s way too much overvaluation. Still, as someone currently being pampered with a lap pillow, I don’t think I can deny the spoiled brat part.

「I want to be an Onee-chan… no, I want to try being one. Of course I know it’s just temporary. Just until the time comes when we have to return to reality. Just until the time you decide that I’m a bother or that this is no good anymore. At that time, it’s fine for you to tell me clearly.」

So this is Hanako-san’s true feelings… the real reason why she’s been emphasizing being an「Onee-chan」until now. A sister… no, a stepsister. And one with zero biological connection, a relationship based only on a verbal promise.

「I have no intention of getting in the way of Kazunari and your wife. Because I’m your Onee-chan. The person who is precious to my brother is precious to me too.」

How am I supposed to take this?

The reason Sara-san didn’t reject Hanako-san was probably because she judged that Hanako-san saw me as a brother. Or maybe she made that judgment after hearing about the real younger brother. That seems more likely.

When Hanako-san says she won’t get in the way, it means she won’t step between me and Sara-san. She intends to interact with me strictly as a sister.

「I know what I’m saying. I promise I won’t be a bother. So…」

Hanako-san, who had been speaking calmly until now, let her expression twist with sadness. It’s my first time seeing Hanako-san like this. For Hanako-san, who doesn’t usually show much emotion, to show it this clearly is truly rare. It must mean she’s that serious, that desperate.

「I want to try being an Onee-chan. I want Kazunari to be my younger brother. That’s all I want. Also, I know what Kazunari is worried about. I don’t know if it’ll make you feel better, but I swear I will never do that.」

She’s… she’s thought that far ahead.

If what she’s asking of me is truly just an image as temporary siblings, I have no intention of forcibly denying it. If Hanako-san is okay with that… if she can really be satisfied with that.

But in the future, if by some miracle she asks for more than that… for Sara-san’s sake, for Hanako-san’s sake, and for my sake, we won’t be able to continue this relationship. Still, if Hanako-san herself says she’s satisfied with all of that, there’s a part of me that feels like I can accept it.

Because it’s only natural for people to seek salvation.

The form of salvation is different for everyone, and the salvation I once sought was entirely filled by Sara-san. I was quite literally saved by Sara-san in everything. By meeting Sara-san, by coming to like Sara-san, by being loved by Sara-san, I was saved.

So, if Hanako-san can be saved by seeing me as a brother, then I want to save her. Because Hanako-san is a best friend that I can sincerely say is precious to me.

But, either way, we have to talk about it all.

「I understand Hanako-san’s feelings well. You’ve been calling yourself big sister until now, so hearing the meaning behind it makes me feel relieved. But to be honest, I’m shocked about your real brother, and I don’t know what to say.」

「…Yeah.」

「Hearing the ideal brother image Hanako-san described, I don’t think I’m the kind of guy who fits that. It’s pathetic that I can’t deny the spoiled part, though.」

「……」

「But I’m not the one who decides that. What’s important is how Hanako-san feels, and I think Hanako-san is the one who decides. So, if Hanako-san overlaps me with her own brother, that’s her choice.」

「…Yeah. It might have been a short period, but I’ve been watching Kazunari. So, what I just said is my true heart. That’s how I think of Kazunari.」

「To be honest, while I think of Hanako-san as a best friend, I’ve never thought of you as a sister. Though, I have thought of you as older than me.」

I definitely thought her mental age and way of thinking were older than mine. That’s a fact.

「Listen, Hanako-san, even if it’s okay, I don’t think I can see Hanako-san as a sister. I’ll be interacting with Hanako-san as a best friend, just like always. Of course, I think Hanako-san is free to treat me like a younger brother.」

I’ll allow her to treat me like a brother, but I can’t treat Hanako-san like a sister. In other words, this is an extension of our current way of thinking. The difference is that I’ll accept Hanako-san treating me like a brother, and along with that, Hanako-san might change a little…

「Yeah. If you’ll accept me, that’s enough. If you’ll allow me to act as your Onee-chan, that’s all I need.」

……If she’s going to say that much, I have no reason to refuse anymore. The only remaining problem is whether Sara-san will hate it.

「I have to say this. Sara-san is more important to me than myself. I never want to do anything that would trouble Sara-san. So, can you swear that you will absolutely not do that? Are you really satisfied with just being siblings?」

Even if it’s just a verbal promise, I can’t budge on this. If this isn’t kept, our trust will drop to zero. That’s the kind of strict promise we need.

「I swear. If I don’t keep it, you can stop being my friend. I’ll even write a contract.」

If she’s willing to promise so clearly, I think I’ll accept. Of course, with conditions attached.

「I’ll tell Sara-san myself, but I want Hanako-san to tell her too. And I want you to promise that you will never bother Sara-san or cause her trouble. If Sara-san hates the idea, this talk is off. But I think as long as it’s like it’s been so far, it probably won’t be a problem.」

「…Actually, I’ve already talked to her. Satsukawa-san told me the exact same thing. She said she’d never forgive me if I caused Kazunari more trouble or bothered him more than herself. She said if I can strictly keep the sibling thing, she’ll leave the rest to Kazunari’s judgment. You two really are a matching couple.」

I see, Sara-san knew that much. If that’s the case, all that’s left is whether or not to trust Hanako-san as a friend, as a best friend.

So I want to trust her; no, I will trust her.

「Got it. It’s a promise then. Though I don’t really know what to do even if you call me a brother.」

「……Eh?」

「I trust Hanako-san. But I don’t really get it either, so please go easy on me. Also, give me a break on the ‘act like a brother’ stuff. I don’t know how to do that. For now, is it okay to just keep going as usual?」

Hanako-san looked blankly as if she couldn’t swallow my answer.

Even though she was the one who said it, she looked like she couldn’t believe I accepted.

「……Is it… okay?」

In response to the one word she finally managed to ask back, I gave a slightly embarrassed nod.

She’d been repeating the「older sister」comments anyway, so essentially I’ve just given permission… or accepted it.

As long as it doesn’t bother Sara-san, as long as it’s just like it’s been, it’ll surely be fine.

And one day… when she’s a bit more of an adult and the time comes when Hanako-san can overcome herself… for now, we’re temporary siblings.

Eventually, once she seemed to fully understand my answer… Hanako-san showed me a beaming smile like a flower in full bloom, the likes of which I’d never seen before.

「Thank… you. Thank you… I’m happy. I’m so happy.」

With just a hint of something glistening in the corners of her eyes, Hanako-san stared at me.

「I’m happy… I’m happy… I’m Kazunari’s Onee-chan. I’m your Onee-chan, okay?」

「Y-Yeah. But go easy on me…」

「I know. I won’t overdo it in front of everyone. I’ll definitely hold back in front of your wife. But for now…」

If she understands that part… for now, it should be… fine.

Looking at Hanako-san like that, I felt that my decision wasn’t wrong… and that Hanako-san must have been saved.

We’d finished what needed to be said, but since Hanako-san wanted to continue the lap pillow for a little longer, we were still in this state.

What surprised me was Hanako-san’s behavior. Perhaps because she’s realized she’s become a sister, she’s been stoking my head the whole time with a gentle look and a smile. Conversely, being stared at like that makes me feel bashful.

「You can keep acting like normal from now on, but I want you to call me Onee-chan every once in a while. I’ll be satisfied with just that.」

「Got it… Onee-chan.」

「!?」

Hanako-san gave a laugh of pure joy along with her surprise. If it makes her this happy, calling her that every now and then might not be so bad.

However, I’ll be reporting all of this properly to Sara-san.

「I look forward to working with you too…… Kazunari.」

The voice in which Hanako-san murmured that was filled with firm emotion… or so I felt.