Episode 262: The Meaning of Being Liked

The look on Yamakawa’s face as he looked our way had a different vibe than usual. Of course, I didn’t even have to think about why: he was planning to bring up「that conversation.」

But… the timing was just too bad.

Hanako-san was clearly in a bad mood because of the idiots making a scene right in front of us. If Yamakawa, who she probably saw as one of them, spoke to her now, I didn’t even have to imagine how it would end.

「…What?」

「Well… um…」

「I’m pretty sure I told you before. If you don’t have business with me, don’t bother talking to me every single time.」

That was harsh.

Hanako-san spoke with words that pushed him away, acting as if she didn’t want anything to do with him.

No, she was actually rejecting him.

「N-No, I do have business!! I have something serious to talk about!! We can’t do it now because of the time, so I want you to come with me during the next break!!」

Having been given the cold shoulder even more than usual, Yamakawa let out his business in a hurried, flustered tone.

I often saw Hanako-san taking a negative stance toward Yamakawa, but this might be the first time I’d seen her act this cold.

「Can’t you just say it here?」

「I’d… I’d prefer if it were just the two of us…」

Once you’ve said that much, unless the other person is incredibly dense, it’s basically a declaration that you’re planning to confess.

However, since Hanako-san was already aware of Yamakawa’s feelings, she didn’t show any reaction. If anything, she just glanced at him with even colder eyes before letting out another small sigh.

「I’ll be blunt: I have no interest in any man other than Kazunari. I have no intention of talking one-on-one with any man other than Kazunari, either.」

Hanako-san fired back with a biting remark that carried a clear sense of rejection. Being told something like that, even a positive thinker like Yamakawa would have no choice but to understand that there was absolutely zero chance.

And being compared directly to me probably made Yamakawa feel pretty complicated.

Even though he knew Hanako-san didn’t have romantic feelings for me, she was still fixated on me.

「…I know all that. But I still want to talk to you.」

This is painful to watch…

From our talk on Sunday, Yamakawa understood everything, including the fact that he didn’t have a chance and what kind of answer he’d get.

But even knowing that, he was pleading to speak with her. I wasn’t sure if he was planning to confess just to get it over with, or if he was planning to apologize for what he realized on Sunday… or maybe both.

「…Fine. I’ll listen.」

「Eh!? S-Seriously!?」

That was a surprising answer, not just for Yamakawa, but for me too.

Considering Hanako-san’s state of mind, I actually thought there was a chance she would just end it right then and there.

「There’s no deep reason. I’m just paying back a debt from earlier.」

A debt?

What did she mean by that?

As far as I could tell, Hanako-san hadn’t even participated in the earlier conversation. So forget having a debt to Yamakawa, they shouldn’t have even had any contact today.

If anything, I was the one who owed a debt for him stepping in between me and the guys…

Wait…

「Hanako-san, is that…」

「Don’t worry about it, Kazunari. Just let me do something like a Big sister for once, okay?」

In other words, it was just as I expected.

Hanako-san was trying to pay back my debt to Yamakawa for me. I didn’t know if that was the only reason, but she was saying it was at least the direct one.

Of course, I was happy that she cared about me that much. There was no way I wouldn’t be happy about Hanako-san’s feelings.

But I also had a strong feeling that I never wanted to be the reason Hanako-san had to force a burden on herself.

And yet…

Stroke, stroke…

Hanako-san reached out and gently, carefully stroked my head two, three times.

Wearing a soft smile, she gazed at me with a look so gentle it was completely different from a moment ago.

Seeing Hanako-san’s expression like that, I found myself unable to say anything else.

Because her gentle gaze wouldn’t let me finish.

「Takanashi…」

Yamakawa was watching us with a complicated expression. When he suddenly muttered my name, I wasn’t sure if he was calling for me or just whispering to himself.

「Would you come along for the talk too?」

「I… sure.」

Are you really okay with that?

I swallowed the words that were about to come out. Considering Yamakawa’s resolve, there was only one reason he’d want me present. Asking him to repeat it would just be tactless.

Besides, if Hanako-san was trying to move for my sake, I couldn’t forgive myself if I just stood by and watched. I didn’t plan to cut in unnecessarily, but I intended to step in if any problems arose.

「Thanks! See you during the next break, then!」

Acting unnaturally bright, Yamakawa headed back to his seat.

I just hoped that Yamakawa could reach a conclusion he could at least be somewhat satisfied with…

Morning Homeroom.

「Tomorrow after school is the cooking class. Everyone please participate unless you have a specific reason not to.」

The announcement from the class representative, which I’d requested, was about the cooking class finally happening tomorrow.

Initially, there was talk of limiting it to just those in charge of cooking, but it was changed to everyone participating due to the classmates’ wishes. However, that was before the incident on Saturday, so I had concerns about what the guys would do now.

「What are you gonna do?」

「I’m going, obviously. That’s a separate issue.」

「Seriously. A cooking class by Satsukawa-senpai is a rare event.」

「I already bragged about it to guys in other classes. They were crying tears of blood from jealousy lol.」

「But… Satsukawa-senpai is gonna marry Takanashi, right?」

「「「 DON’T SAY THAAAAAAT!!!! 」」」

「I don’t know if I should call them idiots or just resilient…」

「They’re idiots, no doubt about it.」

「But it’s true that it’s a rare event. It’s the great Satsukawa-senpai!」

「I’m seriously grateful to Takanashi-kun.」

Apparently, the boys’ motivation to participate hadn’t changed.

Of course, I thought that was a good thing in itself, but their way of thinking did bother me a bit.

I guess Kawamura’s analysis that they could give up on romance but not on their admiration was spot on.

But if that’s the case, could I assume the possibility of them hitting on Sara-san was gone for now?

If so, I suppose I just had to think that was better than nothing…

First period ended, and it was break time.

Since we didn’t have much time to spare, I immediately took Yamakawa and Hanako-san to that stairwell landing.

That spot was a bit of a hidden gem during the day since most of the classrooms on the floors above were only used after school.

「Thanks for coming with me, you two.」

「…We don’t have much time, so just talk.」

As soon as we arrived, Hanako-san prompted Yamakawa to start.

It wasn’t that she was in a rush, she probably just wanted to get it over with quickly.

「…Alright. First, I want to apologize for everything until now.」

「…Huh?」

Like a bolt from the blue, Hanako-san wore a look of utter surprise.

She probably never expected him to suddenly apologize in this situation. I was confident I would have had the same reaction if it hadn’t been for our talk on Sunday.

In that sense, Hanako-san’s perception definitely wasn’t wrong.

「Up until now, I was only thinking about myself. I’m sure you already know, but I seriously fell for you at first sight, Hanasaki-san. That’s why I was desperate to get close to you. I didn’t think about whether you found it a nuisance. I couldn’t. So, I’m sorry.」

Yamakawa finally got to the point.

A confession and an apology: it seemed Yamakawa’s way of settling things involved both. But just looking at him, I could tell the apology was the main focus. I didn’t sense any bashfulness, just a look of pure apology.

「…I see. I don’t know why you suddenly changed your mind, but at least you’re better than those other guys for realizing that.」

Perhaps because Yamakawa placed weight on the apology, Hanako-san’s attitude seemed to soften a bit.

But she only said he was「better,」there was no sign of it becoming anything more than that. At most, she was back to her usual self.

「I’m really sorry. Though, to be honest, I never imagined you’d hate it that much.」

「…Since we’re here, I’ll be clear. I hate love at first sight. Ultimately, it’s just judging someone based on their looks without seeing who they are inside. And hitting on someone because of that is just too shallow to be worth my time.」

Even if it was something he already knew, hearing it directly from the person herself must have dealt a completely different level of damage compared to hearing it from me.

Hanako-san spoke decisively, as if spitting out something disgusting, showing that she loathed it from the bottom of her heart.

Plus, her cold gaze seemed to pierce through Yamakawa, intensely accusing him of being exactly like that.

「…Y-Yeah… you’re right. I definitely fell for you because your looks were my type, Hanasaki-san. I won’t try to make excuses.」

Even if he’d prepared himself for it, being told that so harshly must have been quite a shock.

「…But I wanted to know you. I wanted you to tell me about yourself. That’s why I was desperate to get close to you quickly. And I was panicking because you were only close with Takanashi.」

「…Come to think of it, I was put off because it was so obvious, but you never actually said anything direct.」

It’s true that while I saw him desperately trying to hit on her many times, I didn’t have any memory of hearing direct words from Yamakawa either.

In terms of actual words, at least.

「I didn’t plan on confessing out of nowhere without knowing anything about you, Hanasaki-san. I thought I’d do it after we got to know each other. Falling for your looks was just the start, but I believe you can be serious about a love that starts from there too.」

Normally, I’d think there was some logic to that argument.

Even if it starts with love at first sight, if you build a relationship properly before confessing, I don’t think you can call it shallow.

But the reality was that Yamakawa had skipped over all of that. And for Hanako-san, that was already at a level where there was no turning back.

「I see…」

I wondered what she thought after hearing Yamakawa’s side…

If she had similar thoughts to mine…

Hanako-san didn’t reject him out of hand.

She looked away from Yamakawa and closed her eyes as if thinking.

「I’ll say it again, I wanted to get to know you properly and then confess, Hanasaki-san. But I couldn’t get close to you, and I ended up doing things you hated as a result. I apologize for that.」

Hanako-san remained lost in thought, but Yamakawa bowed deeply while she watched.

I didn’t know how Hanako-san took that apology. But I could at least tell that the atmosphere of sharp rejection had vanished.

「…Fine. I accept your apology. I think I might have overreacted a bit, too.」

Apparently, there was something Hanako-san could understand.

Even if it was an element she loathed, she seemed to have found a part she could calmly accept. Instead of completely denying everything like before, she’d gained the mental leeway to think a bit more flexibly. It was a scene that made me feel Hanako-san really was growing up.

「Thanks! Then, this is the last thing.」

The last thing… he probably intended to confess.

Yamakawa seemed relieved by Hanako-san’s attitude for the moment, and his tone had returned to its usual lightheartedness. But his expression didn’t show that much composure. No matter how much you prepare for the answer, it’s only natural to be nervous during a confession.

「Hanasaki-san… I’ve liked you since the day we first met. This is the first time I’ve ever liked someone this much. I know you hate love at first sight, but I’m confident I can be serious enough to overcome that. If being lovers right away is no good, I’m fine starting as friends with that as the premise. Please!!」

Yamakawa bowed deeply and reached his hand out straight toward Hanako-san.

All that was left was for Hanako-san to give her answer to the confession.

…And yet, even though it wasn’t about me, why was I so nervous?

Because it was about Hanako-san?

Because it was about a friend?

No, if that were the case, it should have been the same for Yuji and Natsumi-senpai.

What was different?

What was this feeling of tension or panic I was experiencing?

I didn’t quite understand myself.

And then…

Hanako-san looked Yamakawa straight in the eye. Her expression didn’t change. She was as usual, emotionless in a way. Just acting calm.

In other words, that was the answer.

「I’ll give you my answer now. Sorry, but I can’t date you. I can’t see you that way, and I still have bad feelings about it deep down. So, it’s impossible for me in the future, too.」

It was a perfectly Hanako-san-like, decisive rejection that was nothing but a straight ball.

Since I’d expected this from the start, the answer didn’t surprise me.

Even though I wasn’t surprised,

I felt an indescribable sense of anxiety… something I couldn’t quite put into words.

What on earth was wrong with me…

「I figured. I knew it, but still. I guess it’s no good… yeah…」

Even Yamakawa knew the answer. Or rather, he should have known.

Even though he’d prepared himself, actually being rejected directly like this clearly dealt a bigger blow than he’d imagined. He wasn’t crying, but he looked quite sad.

「Hey… just wondering. If… if I managed to be more like Takanashi…」

「That’s impossible. Kazunari is an irreplaceable, special person to me. No matter who it is, they can’t be more than Kazunari. They can’t even stand beside him.」

「Ah…」

Cutting off the words Yamakawa was trying to say, Hanako-san rejected it brutally.

Yamakawa probably wasn’t being serious, but maybe because my name was brought up, Hanako-san spoke her rejection even more firmly than before.

「In the first place, there’s no meaning in comparing anyone to Kazunari. Kazunari is a little brother, not a lover. Even if you stand beside him or surpass him, it doesn’t mean you can become my lover.」

I learned one thing from those words.

It was the fact that Hanako-san clearly viewed my position as strictly a little brother and not a lover.

It wasn’t something to be thinking about now, but just knowing that point made me feel like I could continue my relationship with Hanako-san with peace of mind.

「…Though, I guess it’s impossible for anyone who can’t at least stand on the same level as Kazunari.」

Hmm…

Well, personally, I think any guy I’d trust Hanako-san with would have to be at least on my level.

But that wasn’t me thinking Yamakawa was below me or anything. Hanako-san is the one who decides that, not me.

「I see…」

In the end, the conclusion was a total rejection.

Yamakawa was completely dejected, but this wasn’t something I could cut in on.

「But… thank you.」

Suddenly, Hanako-san spoke words of gratitude. Not only that, she was showing a slight but definite smile. Since she’d never smiled at Yamakawa before, that in itself was truly surprising.

Yamakawa looked both shocked and enchanted by Hanako-san’s smile.

「…Hanasaki-san?」

「I’ve never been confessed to by a boy before. This is the first time someone has told me they like me. But, honestly, it made me happy. I was able to feel that way.」

So that was it…

It was true that this was probably the first time Hanako-san had been confessed to by a guy. And while I was close with her, I’d obviously never said the words「I love you」to her.

I had「LIKE」as a friend, but not「LOVE.」

In that sense, it was her first time being told「LOVE」.

To have someone like her. To have someone hold feelings for her. Having experienced that for the first time, she truly felt happy.

「So, thank you. Thank you for liking me. Also, I’m sorry. I can’t date you, Yamakawa-kun. I can’t think of you that way.」

Hanako-san called him「Yamakawa-kun」for the first time.

Maybe it was as a thank-you, but this change was also on a surprising level.

I didn’t sense that much closeness in her voice, but compared to before, it was a world of difference. If this had been back when they first met, maybe there would have been a slightly different ending.

But with this… the definitive answer that Yamakawa was「a friend at best」to Hanako-san had been given.

A clear answer with nothing more to follow.

Yamakawa must have felt it too.

He looked bittersweet, with an expression that looked like he was about to burst into tears.

And I…

I felt「something」even more intensely at Yamakawa’s expression.

I didn’t quite know what it was, but I could tell some negative emotion was rushing through me.

I could tell that the indescribable「something」I’d been feeling earlier was getting stronger.

「I get it. Sorry, Hanasaki-san, for taking your time. Hey… not as a consolation or anything, but is it okay if I talk to you a little from now on?」

「You’re a classmate, so that’s fine. But don’t hold any weird expectations. If you can keep that promise, we can at least be normal friends…」

「R-Really!! That makes me happy enough. Then I’ll at least aim to be on the same level as Takanashi…」

「I told you that’s useless. Someone like that will never appear, and no one can become that. To me, Kazunari is that kind of existence.」

「Ugh… y-you’re too strict…」

Whether he’d already gotten over it or it was just forced cheerfulness, Yamakawa was starting to act like his usual self. Hanako-san seemed to realize that too, and she was responding as usual to match his pace.

I guess that settled things for now.

I could honestly feel good about the fact that Hanako-san was able to feel happy about someone’s feelings through this.

Still, Yamakawa is strong.

Even though he’d prepared himself, he’d been rejected decisively and suffered a heartbreak, yet he was already trying to move past it. He was moving forward to at least secure a spot as Hanako-san’s friend.

If it were me, could I have done that?

I’ve only ever confessed to Sara-san. So I’ve never experienced being rejected, and I don’t know what that feels like.

But if I had been rejected by Sara-san, I don’t think I could…

Ah………

I understood… I finally understood.

I understood the reason for that「something」I’d been feeling.

The sight of Yamakawa…

Was another possibility that could have happened to me.

If I hadn’t met Sara-san, if I hadn’t become her lover, what would have happened to me… I just caught a glimpse of that.

It was just a「what if,」and I knew there was no point in thinking about it.

But the fact that Yamakawa had messed up his first step, leading to an irreversible result.

That meant that if I had messed up one step, if I’d gotten even one button wrong, there was definitely a future where I might not have ended up like this with Sara-san.

I’d thought about it before. But since it wasn’t reality, I naturally hadn’t felt it viscerally.

But now, seeing Yamakawa, I’d caught a glimpse of it. Even knowing it was pointless, I felt a surge of anxiety.

But that’s exactly why…

I was able to realize all over again that my encounter with Sara-san was both a miracle and fate.

I can say that with total confidence from the bottom of my heart now!

I understood clearly now that those two conflicting feelings were what had been swirling inside me as「something.」

Maybe that’s why I have this intense urge to see Sara-san right now.

I want to go see her this very instant.

I could feel a sensation bordering on panic overflowing within me.