Episode 12: Consultation

Even though it was finally the weekend, I didn’t feel like doing anything.

But I’d already made a promise to Yuji…

Last night, Yuji (who I consider my best friend) sent his usual message, and I ended up giving him the cold shoulder.

Yuji was worried about it, so he invited me to the arcade.

The first thing out of his mouth when we met in front of the station was:

「You’re in a seriously bad mood.」

I remember Yuji looking troubled, like he didn’t quite know what to say.

We were supposed to hang out at the arcade, but I wasn’t feeling it, so we ended up talking at a family restaurant instead.

Since Yuji and I always keep each other updated, I didn’t have to waste time explaining the background.

Then we got into what happened yesterday.

「Well… I guess it’s extra rough when someone you’re actually on good terms with suddenly treats you like those typical idiots.」

「I was just delusional, thinking I’d actually opened up to her unlike everyone else…」

「Hmm, I don’t know her so I can’t really say, but was her attitude really like that?」

「That’s how it felt to me.」

「I see… (This guy’s still got some trauma from middle school, so he’s pretty paranoid. He might just be overthinking it and jumping to conclusions.)」

Yuji seemed to be thinking about something, but his face went back to normal right away.

「Well, you might find out the next time you see her. It could just be a misunderstanding.」

That might be true, but I was terrified of being looked at with「that gaze」by Senpai.

It felt like she was silently telling me that, in the end, I was just like the rest of those fools.

I thought she’d actually started to trust me, but thinking about being looked at like that again… I didn’t feel like seeing Senpai at all.

「So, what’s the deal?」

Natsumi asked me straight out.

「It’s… about what happened yesterday.」

I repeated what I’d consulted her about briefly over the phone yesterday.

「If I’m not mistaken… I might have hurt Takanashi-san…」

Ever since then, I haven’t been able to get Takanashi-san’s sad expression out of my head.

Thinking that I might be the cause… I’ve never felt this way before.

Did I… do something wrong?

And that final look on his face… what was that even about…

「Hmm, I wanted to point this out yesterday too, but… first off, I gotta ask. Who’s Takanashi-san?」

I realized that I hadn’t even talked to Natsumi about Takanashi-san.

Come to think of it, I’d only ever talked about Takanashi-san to Obaa-chan…

「Ah! …Sorry. Takanashi-san is…」

I explained about the flower beds and my grandmother.

There’s more to it, but this should be enough of an explanation for now.

「Huh… for a guy these days, he’s… wait, do I sound like an old lady?」

「I think Takanashi-san is different from other boys.」

「Gotcha… so, what happened specifically yesterday?」

I explained what happened on the stairs landing.

Since I wasn’t there from the start, I couldn’t judge who was in the wrong.

To be fair, I treated both sides the same way.

Since the pair spoke up first, I questioned Takanashi-san about the truth.

「So, you mean you treated him with that same attitude you use for every other guy?」

「Yes.」

I see… so that’s what happened…

I’ve seen Sara’s usual way of dealing with people almost every day.

Cold toward guys, indifferent toward girls… that’s the usual Sara.

Since I’m like this, I know that once she opens up, she’ll actually treat you normally.

But for example…

「If you’re not even sure you’re friends yet, and she hits you with that kind of attitude?」

I feel like there’s more to it than just that, but I think I can understand how this Takanashi guy feels a little bit.

Still, for this girl who’s basically indifferent to others to show such clear interest in someone… and a guy, no less…

「Right… first off, I wouldn’t say your reaction was wrong. I get the whole being fair thing, and even if you trust someone, it’s bad to just decide things without evidence.」

「Yes.」

It seemed like my actions were validated for the time being.

「However, I don’t know how much you realize this yourself, but…」

She continued.

「You don’t hide the fact that you’re disgusted by guys in your everyday attitude. When it’s bad, it literally shows in your face that you think they aren’t even worth your time.」

It’s true that I’ve felt that way about boys for a long time, and since I assumed they couldn’t read the room anyway, I’ve always made it clear through my attitude and words.

「It’s gotten even worse over this past year, you know? To the point where I’m surprised you don’t make more enemies.」

This past year…

Was it around the time my impression of boys got even worse because of those constant, frivolous confessions?

「So, I don’t know what Takanashi-san was thinking, but even if he thought you guys were getting along to some extent, to be hit with that kind of attitude over something small… in the end, he’s just being treated like any other stupid guy, and he’ll probably think you don’t trust him at all, don’t you think?」

「But… to me, Takanashi-san is different from other boys.」

「Yeah, that might be a fact to you, but he doesn’t know that. You’ve never told him that, right?」

「Yes… that’s…」

「Do you have Takanashi-san’s contact info?」

「Yes, we exchanged it before.」

Natsumi looked a bit surprised.

「Huh… you with a guy, huh… well, whatever for now. Did you message him right after, or last night?」

「No, well… I didn’t know what I’d done wrong yesterday, so I didn’t know what to say to him.」

When I spoke honestly, Natsumi made a complicated face.

「Hmm, if you’d followed up then, there might have been a chance to fix it…」

It seems I missed my chance to make things right…