Episode 17: True Feelings

During all this time, Senpai hasn’t said a single word.

She’s still clutching the hem of my blazer, and she hasn’t stopped looking at me. Her face is expressionless as usual… Since I was worried about other things, I hadn’t given it much thought.

No, I’m such an idiot…

I only just noticed now that the hand clutching my hem… is shaking.

Of course she is. There isn’t a woman alive who wouldn’t be terrified after something like that.

I regretted letting go of her earlier when I told her it was okay. But it felt awkward to just… do it again now.

After struggling with it for a bit, I took her hand that was clutching my sleeve and gave it a firm squeeze.

「Ah…」

I looked her straight in the eyes, trying to show her through my actions that it really was okay now. Looking into my eyes, it felt like she regained a bit of her composure.

Then, she squeezed back, putting some strength into her grip. To return the gesture, I shifted my grip to hold her hand even more securely, hoping to put her at ease.

「Now, all of you, come to the student council room. You’re going to sign a written pledge. This is legally binding. Even if an acquaintance of yours who knows about today leaks the story, you’ll be held responsible, so keep that in mind.」

The conversation was still going. He’s probably mentioning that “legally binding” part on purpose.

Those guys probably won’t even question it… since they’re idiots.

In the end, I had to leave how things played out to the Student Council President. That said, I can’t judge what the best move is anyway, so I guess it’s unavoidable. The most important thing to think about is Senpai’s future.

It looked like the other council members were gathering, as I could see several people at the rooftop entrance. They all filed out together, leading those guys away like they were being taken into custody.

The only ones left were me, Senpai, and her friend.

「Well, I’ll go along as a lookout. We’ll talk details later.」

She said that to me and then turned to Senpai.

「Sara, make sure you talk to him properly, okay?」

「Yes…」

Hearing that reply, she turned back to me once more.

「Takanashi-kun, I’ll leave the rest to you… the follow-up too.」

「Got it.」

With that, she left the rooftop.

Now that I was finally calm, I started thinking about the current situation. To be honest, I have some things on my mind too.

I’d been avoiding Senpai, so there’s some awkwardness about that. This time I just moved purely on momentum, so it’s not like the hard feelings have just vanished…

No, seriously, get a grip.

If I think about Senpai’s usual behavior, for some reason she’s treated me differently from everyone else since the very beginning.

Even that time she said she couldn’t show favoritism, if I think about it, that sounds like an explanation based on her position, which means her true feelings could be different. In other words, while I haven’t confirmed it or asked her yet, I was the one who jumped to conclusions and started sulking on my own.

Which means that part of the cause for this whole thing was…

Being calm for the first time in days, my brain was spinning, and all sorts of things were popping into my head. I was activating my negative spiral again, just in a different sense.

If I think about it, I feel like I can’t even look her in the eye, for a reason completely different from before. But even so, I don’t have the option of leaving Senpai right now.

The shaking in her hand seems to have calmed down a bit.

「Senpai, are you okay?」

Senpai has been through a lot, so I decided to throw away my shallow worries about not being able to face her and just steel myself.

「…I’m thinking about various things.」

「Yes.」

Senpai began to speak in short, broken sentences.

「There is something I must tell Takanashi-san… something I’ve wanted to say for these past few days… but for now.」

Of course she has something to say to me. To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was angry. So I’ll just accept it… And after that, I have to say what needs to be said.

「Senpai, I also have things to tell you, and things I probably need to apologize for. I intend to say them honestly. So if you have something you want to say, please don’t worry about me and just say it without holding back.」

「…………….was scared…」

Senpai muttered in a tiny voice. But I couldn’t quite catch it.

「Eh? Sorry, I didn’t quite hear.」

「I was scared.」

Senpai muttered again.

「I was scared… I was so anxious about what they were going to do to me…」

「It was the first time anything like that has happened to me, and I couldn’t think of anything at all regarding how to deal with it. I couldn’t escape, but I couldn’t let myself be caught either, and when my arm was grabbed, all sorts of things went through my head.」

Senpai looked down, looking totally dejected.

It’s only natural to worry about what might happen. If anything, I’m just glad I made it in time.

「I felt so pathetic. My lack of consideration for others… the fact that I made Takanashi-san sad… the way I’ve been until now… my own shallow thinking that brought this on…」

So those tears back then… weren’t just because she was scared of those guys.

「In that moment, all those feelings piled up and I started crying, but after that, the feeling of being happy that Takanashi-san came to save me won out. But then Natsumi and the President arrived, and Takanashi-san moved away from me, and once I was calm enough to think, I realized exactly what kind of situation I’d been in.」

So that’s why she started clutching my hem.

「I started thinking again about what almost happened to me… and so.」

As she said that, her hand started shaking again, as if she was actually remembering it.

「It’s okay! That’s all over now! You don’t have to think about it!!」

What should I do… in a situation like this…

I feel like I’ve had a scene like this before. Right, it was with her… I see.

I used my free hand to pat Senpai’s head.

「Senpai… this whole thing is over. The President will handle things properly. He has the evidence. Those guys won’t do anything else either. Also, from now on, please just check with me properly. I’ll do my best to be useful too.」

「…Yes, I understand.」

I gently patted her head until the shaking calmed down. When I looked at her face a bit later, she had a tickled expression and her eyes were narrowed.

And the shaking in her hand had stopped.

「This is the first time anyone besides my parents has patted my head.」

「Sorry for doing that so suddenly.」

I knew it wasn’t something you should just do to someone… especially a woman. But I couldn’t think of anything else, so it is what it is. In my experience, I didn’t have any other options.

「No, I didn’t dislike it. But it felt quite natural, didn’t it?」

「Well… a long time ago, with my childhood friend.」

「I see… was that a girl?」

「Erm, yeah, technically.」

「I see.」

「Um, is something on your mind?」

The flow of the conversation made me feel like I was being interrogated. And Senpai’s expression had returned to normal before I knew it.

「No, it’s nothing…… I don’t really understand it myself.」

She got quiet halfway through, so I couldn’t hear what she said.

「…Maybe we should leave this place soon.」

I thought staying here forever wasn’t good, since it might make her remember unnecessary things again.

「Yes. But would it be alright if we went to the flower beds after this? There is something I’d like to talk to you about.」

「Understood. I have something to talk about too.」

Either way, we need to have a talk.

As I started to move toward the flower beds, I felt a tug. Apparently, Senpai had grabbed the hem of my blazer again.

「Senpai?」

「Is this not allowed?」

「No, it’s fine.」

I should probably just let her do what she wants for now. We started moving toward the flower beds just like that.

Walking beside me… though a little bit behind… Senpai looked like she was back to her usual expressionless self.

…Wait, she’s still clutching my blazer, so there’s no way she’s back to normal.

「…Hey, what’s that?」

「…The Goddess is with a guy?」

「…That’s not what you should be looking at. Look, she’s holding onto him.」

「…Whoa, what does that mean?」

While heading to the flower beds, we were obviously being watched, and we’re totally standing out…

We ended up making it all the way to the flower beds like that. Well, there’s no one here, so I guess it’s fine.