Episode 390: Roleplay

「Fufu… Kazunari-san♪」

Sara-san looks down at me while I’m lying in her lap with a perfect smile and gentle eyes.

Her hand strokes my forehead and head over and over, looking nothing but happy, occasionally letting out a joyful sound…

「They’re incredible, those two. Even though we’re watching…」

「They’ve completely entered their own world.」

「Haha… I guess you could call that their special skill.」

「The strongest stupid couple, flirting anytime and anywhere without a care for anyone else.」

「H-Hanako-san!」

「Fufu… but they look so happy that I’d feel bad for raining on their parade.」

No, I’m aware of it this time too, you know?

I understand what the situation is and who’s around us. I’m sure Sara-san knows what she’s doing too, but I suppose it’s a matter of priorities. Since she’s Sara-san, her top priority is pampering me with all her might…

「Um, Sara-san?」

「Kazunari-san, it’s a no-no for babies to talk, okay?」

「Ugh… Babu babu.」

I mean, what even is babu babu anyway!?

This is way too much of an impossible game, isn’t it!?

「Fufu… cute♪」

But the Sara-san in question isn’t deterred by my cringeworthy acting at all. In fact, she’s perfectly normal… no, she actually seems about thirty percent more joyful than usual as she gently rolls my body over, turning me sideways to face her.

As always, her movements are so natural that I couldn’t resist at all…

「…Sara’s seriously way too practiced at this.」

「…Kazunari didn’t put up any resistance at all, did he?」

「…Haha… well, this is probably just a daily occurrence for those two.」

「…Satsukawa-senpai looks so lively.」

「Since Kazunari-san is a baby right now, please don’t hesitate to act as spoiled as you like with me, okay?」

「A-as much as I like…」

「Kazunari-san?」

「Babu babu.」

Succumbing to a mysterious pressure I don’t usually feel, I switch back to baby talk, and Sara-san gives my head a big, satisfied stroke.

Mmm, I’d like to say I’m happy as long as she’s pleased, but am I just imagining the feeling that I’m losing something precious…?

「Sara okaa-san, can Mio pet the baby too?」

「Of course. Please be very gentle and give him a good boy pet, okay?」

「Yay!! Baby Onii-chan, good boy, good boy~」

「Sakura will do it too~」

「Yuki too~」

With Sara-san’s permission, the smiling Mio-chan and the others start messing up… I mean, stroking my head all at once.

By the way, the reason Mio-chan called Sara-san「Sara okaa-san」is because Sara-san said,「Please call me okaa-san, okay?」

…Wait, this isn’t the time to be thinking so casually!

In the first place, why am I acting like a baby?

Why are Mio-chan and the others calling Sara-san Mother?

It all started with a bit of playtime that feels like a public humiliation to me…

「I want to play house!!」

Our post-meal break and free time, which also served as preparation time for the next activity, was short-lived.

The still-energetic Mio-chan suddenly blurted that out.

Of course, I (and probably everyone else) just thought it was a cute, typical game for a little girl, so I found it purely heartwarming…

「Sakura wants to play too!!」

「Yuki too!!」

Sakura-chan and the others immediately volunteered at Mio-chan’s suggestion. So we decided to watch the three of them play house with interest…

「Onii-chan, you play too!」

「Onii-chan, come with us!」

「Onii-chan, over here!」

…Or so I thought, until I was nominated by the three of them. Honestly, playing house at this age is pretty embarrassing, but if I’m being truthful, I have a fair amount of experience (thanks to being dragged along by Yuzuha)…

So, if it’ll make Mio-chan and the others happy, then that’s fine. That’s my honest feeling. It’s not a lie.

「Mio is the Mama!!」

「Ehh~, Sakura wants to be Mama~」

「Buuu… Sakura-chan was the Mama last time too!!」

Before they even heard my answer (though I wasn’t planning on saying no), Mio-chan and the others moved on to casting… This is another common thing in playing house, but it seems the role of mother is the most popular. As expected, the three of them started fighting over it…

「Muuu… then Sara onee-chan is the Mama!!」

「Eh?」

Sara-san, who was suddenly nominated for the main role, let out a small voice of surprise.

Err… is that really okay, Mio-chan?

「Me…?」

「Yeah. Sara onee-chan is better!!」

「Umm…」

Sara-san looks at me with a bewildered expression, but the final decision ultimately lies with Mio-chan and the others… however, even if Mio-chan insists, it wouldn’t work unless Sakura-chan and the others agree.

「Then Sakura is the big sister!!」

「Mio is a big sister too!!」

「Yuki is a big sister too!!」

…Or so I thought, but it seems they accepted it quite easily.

But now, for some reason, there are three people in the role of big sister… Who’s the eldest, who’s the second, and who’s the third? Are there no rules for that…? Well, if they’re fine with it, then it’s not a problem.

That leaves my role… naturally, it’d be the father, so that means I’d be Sara-san’s husband?

Oh man, even though it’s just playing house, I’m starting to feel a little nervous…

「Umm, what should I do?」

「Well, Onii-chan is the baby!!」

「…Pardon?」

「「Eh??」」

I couldn’t help but let out a dumbfounded voice at Mio-chan’s completely unwavering answer… and it was the same for Sara-san, everyone else, and even the mothers and Sachie-san. We all had visible question marks floating over our heads.

A baby… me?

Why did it turn out like that!?

「Onii-chan, sleep here!」

「Baby Onii-chan, over here!!」

And it seems Sakura-chan and Yuki-chan don’t have any objections to this casting either. In fact, they look like they’re fully intent on treating me like a baby…

No, no, isn’t this way too unexpected?

Do modern games of house not have a father role?

「Baby Onii-chan!!」

「Umm… okay.」

For the time being, I lie down where Mio-chan points. Immediately, the three of them surround me and start stroking… or rather, vigorously ruffling my head in whatever spot they like.

Hey, could you at least be a little more gentle…?

「Sara onee-chan mama, you come too~」

「Y-yes. Then, if you’ll excuse me…」

Sara-san sits down hesitantly, yet perhaps out of reflex, she immediately puts my head in her lap and starts stroking me gently.

The comfort is truly heavenly. My frantic heart rapidly regains its composure and I start to feel peaceful…

「Stroking, stroking~!!」

「Yay!!」

…Before that could happen, Mio-chan and the others’ stroking is way too intense!?

「Fufu… when you stroke a baby’s head, you have to do it more slowly and gently, okay?」

「Gently?」

「That’s right. Like I’m doing, like this…」

As if showing Mio-chan and the others an example, Sara-san uses more exaggerated movements than usual, carefully and gently stroking over a wider area in an easy to understand way… Haa.

「Baby Onii-chan looks so comfortable.」

「Mama is so good at it.」

「Fufu, then please try taking turns. And also…」

Sara-san grins a little mischievously and looks at Mio-chan and the others in order…

「Please call me… okaa-san, okay?」

…And well, that’s how it happened. I was given the role of the baby, which is a one way ticket to public humiliation, and now this playing house roleplay is in full swing.

But even thinking about it again, how did it come to this…?

「Good boy, good boy. Baby Onii-chan is such a good boy.」

Totally unaware of my inner conflict, Mio-chan strokes my head happily with an angelic smile. I want to believe that feeling this embarrassed is worth it…

「Next, Sakura will do it!!」

「Yuki too~」

Of course, Sakura-chan and the others aren’t just going to watch silently. Each of them moves to a position where they won’t be in the way and starts gently stroking my head just like Mio-chan.

…I might lose if I think about this calmly, but what is this situation, really?

「Stroking, stroking~」

「Baby Onii-chan is cute.」

「What a good boy~」

「Fufu… Kazunari-san♪」

Having my head stroked by the whole kindergarten group all at once, Sara-san even makes a subtle appeal by staring at me with gentle eyes while secretly squeezing my hand with both of hers as if to envelop it… Ugh.

「Oh my, oh my.」

「Vice President-san’s face is turning bright red.」

「Takanashi-san… fufu.」

Furthermore, if I shift my gaze just a little, Mio-chan’s and the others’ mothers are watching over us with incredibly heartwarming smiles…

「What’s wrong, Hanako-san?」

「…I kind of want to join in.」

「I knew you’d say that. Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t jumped in yet.」

「If I did that, I have a feeling I’d be crushed by the wife’s pressure.」

「Mmm, the fact that I can’t say that’s a joke is something else.」

「Even so, Kazunari can really endure this situation. I couldn’t possibly mimic that.」

「Right. I think it’d be impossible for me too… haha.」

「Fufu… that’s what’s so wonderful about Takanashi-san.」

「…Eririn is as biased toward Takanashi-kun as ever.」

The only saving grace is that those over there are looking at us like they always do, as if this is just an extension of their daily lives… Though there is a point to be made about the fact that this is considered daily life…

Wait, I said this isn’t the time to be thinking so calmly!!

「Baby Onii-chan, are you hungry~?」

「Ah, Yuki will go get some food~」

「That’s not it, Yuki-chan. A baby’s food is Mama’s milk.」

「Ah, that’s right~」

「…Eh?」

…What is this?

I’m getting a really, really bad feeling from Mio-chan and the others’ conversation…

「K-Kazunari-san?」

「Eh? No, well…」

What do I do? How should I answer here?

If I say I’m hungry, what is Sara-san planning to do!?

There’s no way she’d really… hey, don’t imagine that scene!!!!

「Okaa-san, Okaa-san, Baby Onii-chan says he’s hungry~」

「Baby Onii-chan, wait just a little longer~」

「Mama, give the baby milk!!」

「U-um… e-err…」

It seems that even Sara-san didn’t expect this turn of events. She looks troubled as Mio-chan and the others cling to her while shouting for milk…

No, no… that’s a bit much, no matter how you look at it.

「S-Sara-san, you don’t have to push yourself, okay? Let’s just stop around here…」

「Push myself? …Kazunari-san, did you just say I was pushing myself?」

「Eh? S-Sara-san?」

The way Sara-san looks at me after my attempt to help seems different from usual… somehow?

Wait.

Sara-san?

「If it’s something I can do for Kazunari-san, nothing is too much.」

「No, well…」

W-what’s going on? Sara-san is clearly acting strange.

She’s still smiling as usual, but I can feel a strange intensity… and aren’t her eyes looking a bit vacant?

「I wondered if it was appropriate to go that far with so many people watching… but I see. This is just playing house after all, and above all, for the sake of my pride, I don’t want you to think that I find something of this level to be too much.」

「S-Sara-san, wait a minute!?」

Leaving behind those ominous words, Sara-san firmly secures my head…

「Fufu… Kazunari-san, please be a good boy, okay?」

She lets out a smile that, for some reason, makes me feel like I can’t resist at all…

No, wait, Sara-san!?

「S-Satsukawa-senpai, you’re not seriously going to do it, are you…」

「Kazunari unconsciously stung the wife’s pride. Normally, this would be nothing if it were just the two of them, but the fact that he thought she was pushing herself because she hesitated for a moment due to the surroundings is unforgivable for the wife.」

「As always, your analytical skills are amazing, Hanako-san.」

「No, wait. Does that mean Satsukawa-san is seriously going to try it?」

「From the looks of it, she might… This is a battle Sara can’t afford to lose.」

「Hauuu…」

「What do you mean, a battle!? Stop this indecent behavior, Sara!!」

Everyone else starts making a fuss at Sara-san’s unusual behavior too… Wait, I see. My attempt to be considerate by saying「you don’t have to push yourself」actually ended up firing her up?

I see… No, this isn’t the time for a calm analysis either!?

What do I do!?

How can I stop Sara-san… how…!?