Episode 74: Things I Can’t Say

「President, I will be using the reference room.」

Senpai spoke to the President in a tone that allowed no argument.

「Ah, sure, I don’t really mind, but…」

There was probably no problem with using a reference room that was rarely used anyway, but the President responded somewhat frantically, as if pressured by the atmosphere.

「Takanashi-san, please tell me what is on your mind.」

Saying only that, Senpai made a move to pull my arm, but after a moment of appearing to think about something, she took my hand instead.

Like a child being led by the hand, I was quietly taken to the reference room.

Once we closed the door and moved toward the center of the room, Senpai turned around and looked me straight in the eye.

What should I do…

I don’t want to lie to Senpai, but this situation is difficult.

If it were just a story about my own social circles, it wouldn’t be so bad, but this involves Natsumi-senpai, and on top of that, it’s a romantic topic.

It’s not something I can just talk about so easily.

I hope she can be satisfied if I explain that it involves more than just myself.

「Takanashi-san, would it trouble you if I asked about the circumstances?」

！？ Why…

「Fufu… it isn’t such a surprising deduction. Since coming into this room, your expression has looked even more troubled than before, so I thought that might be the case.」

I see.

I certainly was agonizing over how to explain it.

「I said I wanted to hear the story earlier, but I will not force you. In the first place, it’s impossible to tell people everything, and if it were something you could tell me, Takanashi-san, you would tell me without being so troubled.」

I’m happy that Senpai said that.

So, I’ll stick to my decision not to say anything about this matter.

Instead, I’ll try to be as honest as possible from now on. I don’t want to keep secrets from a Senpai who says things like this to me.

「Takanashi-san, I am always here to listen, so please tell me whenever you feel you can talk.」

「Senpai, this involves other people. That’s why I can’t say it…」

For now, I’ll say as much as I can.

「I understand. In that case, I will not ask any further. However…」

She took my right hand, wrapping it in both of hers.

「If you are truly in trouble, Takanashi-san, and yet you still will not tell me…」

Senpai’s smile is truly beautiful.

It’s my favorite smile.

「It will be another punishment, okay?」

Saying that, Senpai peered into my face with a slightly mischievous expression.

「I don’t know what to say in response.」

Leaving those words behind, Takanashi-kun left.

I think that was his honest feeling.

Hearing words that weren’t a firm rejection, I felt relieved for the time being.

I intended to speak as honestly as possible, but I wonder what Takanashi-kun thought.

I don’t really want to say this because it sounds like bragging, but as a matter of fact, I am often hit on by women.

I don’t remember when it started, but now there’s even something like a fan club.

At tennis matches, they even prepare banners…

Of course, I’m happy to be cheered for.

However, that comes at the price of resentment from my own gender.

I’ve probably never met a guy I could truly consider a friend.

Everyone who approaches me doesn’t even try to hide their ulterior motives.

It’s not rare for people to ask me to introduce them to women on the very day we meet.

There’s more than one or two people who have pretended to be my friend just to get closer to a girl they’re aiming for.

In the end, the emotions surrounding me are jealousy and envy, and「friends」come as a set with ulterior motives.

And… even if they call it a fan club, it’s nothing more than them liking my appearance. They aren’t looking at me, myself…

Even someone like me fell in love.

Natsumi-senpai only sees me as an ordinary junior.

It was also the first time a woman ever got angry at me.

That’s why I became interested in her.

She was the first woman I ever felt such admiration for.

By the way, Satsukawa-senpai is a bit different.

There’s no way to even approach her, or rather, she doesn’t seem to have any interest in men, including me.

Who could believe that someone like Satsukawa-senpai could have a boyfriend?

I’d heard the rumors too, but I couldn’t believe it until I saw it with my own eyes.

The guy brought along by Satsukawa-senpai when she came to cheer for Natsumi-senpai, he must be the boyfriend.

Honestly, he only looked like a plain, unimpressive, ordinary guy, but watching them, I could tell without a doubt that Satsukawa-senpai treats him specially.

But what surprised me was Natsumi-senpai’s reaction.

Since he’s her best friend’s lover, I could imagine they had some level of interaction.

But from the scene unfolding before my eyes, there’s no doubt that he has also managed to become friends with Natsumi-senpai.

I’m jealous… I’m jealous?

…So this is what it is.

It’s the first time I’ve ever felt jealous of someone.

He came to the practice match too.

He has a lover like Satsukawa-senpai, and a close friend like Natsumi-senpai.

In such an enviable situation, he wouldn’t have any interest in me.

But I wonder why, just like with Natsumi-senpai and Satsukawa-senpai, when I think someone isn’t interested in me, I end up getting interested in them instead.

In that situation, the resentment and jealousy from those around him must be incredible. He’s being noticed right now, and I can tell without a doubt that he’s being glared at by other guys.

And it wouldn’t be strange for people with ulterior motives to approach him.

It’s like looking at myself, and I felt a sense of kinship. I understand his feelings. I’m sure he could understand mine too.

Besides, with those two by his side, he wouldn’t even look at other women.

In other words, with him, I might be able to associate with someone sincerely without worrying about extra nonsense.

I’ve found a man who might become my first true friend.

The problem is… once the thing about Natsumi-senpai comes out, there’s a high possibility, no, it’s certain that he’ll misunderstand that I approached him for that purpose.

What to do about that, that is the biggest worry.